Thursday, December 29, 2011

The birth story

en i woke up on nNov2nd2011 Iknew my li fewas going to change, but not how much. due to chronic hypertension throughoutmy pregnancy, I had an incuction scheduledat 7:30 that morning. Iwokemyhusband, not aneeasytask at6am. and we pscked up s few  final things. wes huffled into the early motning light and rode to the hospital,laughing as we listened to our favorite early morning radio show wehea headed inside, if Ihad known this woulbe the last time Iwould walk unassisted Iwould have skipped into thelevator that took us up to L&D I got settled into m y room my midwife, eMary Alice tnteredcheerfully sheinserted s foley cathater into my cer vix toaide in dialsting me and started my fdreDREaded pitocindrip.the contraction started comin hard and fas to sI opted to vclimb intot he tub andetermined that Iwould stay there all day.thurge to pee got me out of the tub by that point I was"singing thlsbosong"as the midwives who kept checkin g on mr would blood pressurr kept climbing nomatter how muchmedicstioncstion they got down my throat . The lasthingI remember is lay in g on my rright side staring t the striped pattern of pillow case and listening tomy husband coach my breathhng t, imploring me to resist the urge to pushhrough each contraction, Iwas developing a terr i ble hedache on thright dide ofmy headterrThe,accordingtohim, theentire accordingto  my husbandit is at this point that myentire leftside seized up and he called fohelp, then the room was flooded with medica lltypeswho determined I had to have an emergency c-section

The nexthin Iremember is a room flooded with whit light dn filled with lots of people asking me where Iwas and whothe president was and to squeeze this and look intos th s lightIsaw my huband as he wndered a round throom with something thatlooked like ababyHasked me what we should name her I directed him to thbook ewhereI had written all of thenames Ilike and Ireminde him of myfavorite name, Chsrlotte I coul not figure out why Icouldn'tspeak correctlyt hen all of the information was finally conveyed tomr Ihad had a hemorrhagic stroke durin child birht, my left ide was paralysed. Ihave no recollection of the first moment s o my daughter's life, that moment of ecstatic emotion you see in every birth video as they place the baby on th mother'chest was taken fro m me as has the ability to be an effective mother and to  these are thmost devastating facts that willturn me into puddle of tears when Ithink about thm