Tuesday, November 19, 2013


Us New Age-y types talk a lot about reincarnation, or, the idea that a person's soul has lived many lives since it was created and how that affects our current incarnation.

But, if you think of it, every person experiences many incarnations in their life; Every significant life event changes us and our outlook. For me, ,y senior year in High school was very significant, scoring the lead in the musical was a huge ego boost and introduced me to a more self-assured, confident, outspoken and opinionated version than I had known before, this is the incarnation that would continue to develop through mycollege and my post-college years.

The stroke and the recovery has introduced me to a different version of myself, one that had been covered up by that, loud, boisterous and outspoken lady

Liz 2.0, as I call her, is not as self-assured, in fact, she, quite, often has to convince herself that she can do something and she has to talk herself out of  the pity parties she seems to like to throw for herself, for whatever reason....But, through all of this, because this version of myself requires so much reassurance from myself, she is turning into a stronger version of the me I was, better able to face things I am unsure about, able to talk myself out of despair, I've become a cheerleader for myself, and that, my friends, is a valuable talent. I am now more capable of picking myself up after a hard day full of mistakes, brushing myself off, holding my head hig and giving it the ole college try tomorrow.

Because, I have learned, what really counts when recovering from stroke is finding a new way to live life and to be happy with it, which means finding new, innovative ways to do things, luckily for us there are many oways to fall inlove with yourself again after a traumatic brain injury, one way I would suggest is to  find an organization like this.

So, dare I say, Liz 2.0 holds her head a little higher that Old Liz did.

I like Li 2.0....finally.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013


Today I met with a good friend, who has been helping me navigate my new world as a "disabled" person, helping me understand and know the services that are available to me.

I say "disabled" because, as far as the government is concerned I am disabled, but, as far as I am concerned, I perfectly able of many things..

My reason for meeting with her was to find out if there was a way I could help other people recovering from brain injuries, at one point she asked me why I wanted to do this. I couldn't answer right away.

Well, tonight as I swept my kitchen floor, I do my best thinking when I'm sweeping, I thought about this, and I realised that at the beginning of all of this, it would have been great to meet with someone who was well into their recovery and doing well, some one who could have told me, "Hey! Snap out of it! This is not the worst thing that could have happened." Would I have listened? No. But it sure would have been nice to have some one who understood the total and complete confusion and exhaustion I felt everyday. And now that I am well into my recovery, I think the right thing to do is to use what has happened to me for good, to benefit others, because, well, it's right, right?

I also see so many people at my OT clinic that seem so hopeless. and let me tell you, hopelessness is a surefire way to sabotage your recovery, so, I try to talk to these people, trying to show them as much positivity as I can muster in the face of their depression, because, I was there. Two years ago, the thought of living my life as I've become accustomed to living it- as a one handed, slow walking- individual, was a terrifying thought, but now it's my normal, and I'
, ok with it, if I can show one person that I'm ok with who I am in the face of this, then, I will have done something good.

And that, my friends is progress.

Monday, November 11, 2013


Since I was released from the hospital, a little over two years ago, I've been struggling with my confidence. Facing the world with a new body and mind has been a difficult task, and I've had to figure out this motherhood thing on top of that.

My already fragile confidence was shattered by the stroke, suddenly all of these things I used to be able to just fine ( read, go to the bathroom, walk, etc..) suddenly became seemingly impossible, so whenever I've been faced with something new in this post-stroke world, my instant reaction has been, "I can't do that."

But as I move through my life in this new body and with this new mind I've found, yes, indeed, I can.

The turning point finally came once I accepted the fact that I am basically having to start over, relearn everything I already knew how to do. I like to say that the stroke was like having my reset button hit. And as I move forward, relearning all of these things I could do with my eyes closed, I am finding that I can, in fact, do anything, I put my mind to.

can't is now a four letter word in my world, because, you know what? I can. And so can you.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

2 Years!

Two years ago yesterday, I walked into the hospital knowing a few things; First of all I knew I'd be holding my new, precious baby girl at the end of the night, second, I knew my life would never be the same again.

Well, I was right....kinda, on the first count, I was holding my new baby at the end of the day, but in a radically different way, my loving, and scared shitless husband had lovingly placed Charlotte on my chest to rest as I woke up from having the blood clot removed from my brain, giving us some precious bonding time.

Two years ago, I thought I knew everything, I thought I had it all figured out...nope. Today I know more about myself, life, love and what really , matters than I think I ever would have. Two years ago, the doctors were saying I'd make a "full" recovery in about a year and a half  whatever that means, well, today, I am recovered, more determined and focused than ever

Yesterday, I watched that precious baby, that I held, unconsciously, on my chest two years ago turn two, she is alsi determined and focused, and trhe best thing that's ever happened to me.

And yesterday, I realized I could have easily not been around to see this momentous birthday. But I did, with my eyes wide open, seeing the world for the beautiful place that it is.

Two years ago, I didn't realize how great life can be. Now I do.