Saturday, March 28, 2015

Hurry up and Wait

I am not a patient person. I never have been, then, I became a patient in a neuro rehabilitation facility. As it began to dawn on me what kind of situation I was in ,I was anything but patient, I wanted my hand back YESTERDAY I wanted to go back to work NOW.

Over the course of my life instant gratification has always been my bread and butter, I want what I want now and I would force my way towards whatever end goal I was after, but, the more I think about it, I 've realized that forcing things before it was time for them to happen has never worked out well for me or anyone else involved in my scheming. When I went back to work at the co-op, I was desperate to be back in a position that seemed "important", so, I tried applying for an HR job that I was in no way ready to perform, when I didn't get the job, I was crushed, as the job I applied for was one I held before the stroke.

But, I was determined to stay at the co-op, I knew there was a place for me there, and I decided I would dig my heels in and wait to see what that place would be. And I have, I am now working more frequently than before and have, once again become quite an adept cashier.

Self identity was the one thing I was desperate to find in my post-stroke world, hence the many different names I gave myself: Liz 2.0, New Liz, etc....but, I hung in there and I am happy to say that I have a better sense of self than I ever have and I am really awesome, new weird nickname needed, now, I'm just Liz, that's all.

So, what's my point, you may be asking yourself; here it is: That obnoxious saying, good things come to those who wait is, in fact true, because I have become a professional waiter, and, I've found that instead of forcing things to happen before it is time, that letting them happen naturally has a much more satisfying result.

Friday, March 13, 2015

My Social Network

My dad has worked in the computer industry my whole life, so, as I grew up, in the 80s and 90s, there were always these weird computer thingys in the house, my play house in the basement, which could fit two 10 year-olds in it comfortably was a wooden  box a hard drive had been delivered in.

In high school, my house was the cool place to be because we had that wacky new fangled invention: the internet! My friends and I would roam the chat rooms in total awe over the fact that we were "talking" to people half a country away.

Nowadays the novelty has worn off, there's a lot of complaining going around about how social networking and the internet isolates us from each other. I have something to say about that:

Word spread quickly after I suffered a stroke in childbirth, my friends and family members sent notes out on Facebook asking for prayers and positive vibes for me, as a result of this coming together of my digital community, I received countless numbers of cards and gifts that lifted my spirits and strengthened my resolve, I started this blog initially to keep my friends, family and numerous supporters apprised of my physical and mental state, but it has become an invaluable resource, allowing me to process all of the feelings I've had over the past three years in a healthy and positive way, my internet community are the people who read these posts.

Over the years I have received so much support via Facebook and through this blog, that without these tools, I truly believe I would have been lost. So, I do not believe the internet isolates us, that's up to the user, but it creates this amazing global community who can come together in minutes to support one of their own when they are in need, so, for those of you who've followed along via Facebook and this blog, thank you for the support, the pats on the back and the constant stream of positive energy.

Goddess bless Mark Zuckerberg.

Love and light.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Word play

If there is one thing I've learned over the last three years, it's this:

Language is of utmost importance, the words that come out of your mouth and the one's that live in your thoughts can impact your life in a big way.

My new year's resolution for 2014 was to eliminate the word "can't" from my vocabulary, because, it's a negative word and , really there isn't anything I can't do, unless I say I can't do it.

I recently read this article in Stroke Smart Magazine

reading it just reminded me hoe incredibly important words are, so, rather than use the word recovery, which implies that everything will be as it once was before the stroke (which is never going to happen, my body, mind and spirit has been too  irreversibly altered by this experience for everything to go back the way it was.

I have traded in the word recovery for renewal, this is a far more positive word, as it indicates, I am moving on with my life and accepting the circumstances of my life with open arms.

I have also made a concerted effort to not complain, outwardly or in my head, because, I have NOTHING to complain about, and it feels better not to, complaining changes nothing. You know what happened when I stopped complaining?

Things started looking extremely sunny, in-spite of the gloomy Michigan winter we've been through, once I realized nothing was worth complaining about and I put a cork in my mouth any time anything negative wanted to vomit out, life started looking pretty damn good, despite the challenges.

Try it, I dare you.