Becoming

There is an issue I feel needs to be addressed, so here I go:

People use a lot of flattering adjectives to describe me such as, admirable, inspiring, adaptable, strong and inspiring.

Let me be clear here, it is none of my business what people think of me, so if you think these things about me, that's great, but I just want to be honest and up front.

Now, the old, ego maniacal version of me would have basked in the glory of all these compliments, it would have been my fuel.

But.

This new, quieter version is embarrassed by all of this positive feedback, because I know the truth. And here it is:

Deep in the very pit of my lies a scared shitless, confused child, if I am any of those nice things people call me is only because I have metamorphosed into them through a lot of hard fucking work, trial and error and increased self-awareness. I work really hard every day to be honest with myself and to fight my selfish, self involved desires. I am constantly trying to be the best version of myself and to treat the people around me with the respect they are due (something I did not ever think about before).

So if you have said any of those nice things to me, thank you, it means a lot and if I seem uncomfortable with the compliment, it's because I haven't always been any of those things, it is only through a lot of hard work,  extreme determination  and a refusal to give up that I have become all of those things.