"Something has changed within me Something is not the sameI'm through with playing by the rulesOf someone else's game"
Yeah, that's about where I'm at right now. In the last week, something has shifted and inner peace has settled in.
For the first time since my brain sprung a leak, I feel comfortable in my skin and confodent in my abilities. Why? I'm not sure, I think it's a mixture of a lot of things, I've been getting up with Charlotte every morning for the last couple of weeks, getting her dressed, feeding her breakfast and playing with her after breakfast, then we do lunch, then we play outside for a bit til naptime. So, I think I'm starting to feel like a mom, and a good one, at that, my bond with Charlotte has been getting depper because of all of this, so my self-doubt as far as whether I can care for her or not has faded and I no longer doubt the fact that she does, in fact, like me.I also think letting go of all of the hate I've had towards my ex in New Haven, has healed my soul, it feels better to acknowledge the love I felt for him, rather than wasting all of that energy hatin ghim.
Lately, I feel like a zen master, in love with everything around me, excited to be awake in the morning, I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin from happiness most of the time.
Life is now as it should be, normal, routine and happy, so, I've achieved the goal I had at the beginning of all of this: "I just want to be normal again."