Out and About

I am a very social person, so when I'm presented with an opportunity to leave the house, I usually take it. Due to my very pronounced limp and slow gate and the fact that Larry sits in an arm sling, wearing a wrist brace, I'm sure I look like I've been in some kind of horrific accident, so it's not uncommon that people ask me what happened. When this occurs the first thought that shoots through my head is, "Wow, you've got some balls asking a complete stranger a question like that and I also wish I had some wicked cool story to tell them like, I was base jumping in New Zealand and my chute didn't open, because the truth isn't nearly as cool as that. I always tell them the truth, because I have nothing to be ashamed of and I think being out and about as a stroke survivor is important, hopefully when people see me navigating the world as a stroke survivor, it can help to dispell any preconceptions they may haveof stroke survivors. I think it is very important for me to be open and honest about what has happened, because it isn't something that should be hidden, it is something that should be talked about. I knew nothing about stroke and it's effects, up til recently and if I can help raise awareness about it and how to spot it by talking about it, then my job is done!

inspirational?

It's a very humbling experience when a close friend sits down, looks you in the eyes and in all seriousness tells you that you are inspiring.

Of all of the tings I've daydreamed of being, rock star, broadway actress, movie star, inspiring was never something I anticipated becoming. I've been called inspiring since the stroke hit, but this was the first time I was told why. My friend told me that when she's having a bad day she thinks about me and how hard everything must be for me and she tells herself, "If Liz can do it, so can I." Hearing that sent my heart soaring, if I can help someone get through a hard day or help someone have gratitude for what they have, that is great! Because, even though things are a tad harder for me now, as far as I see it, I don't have a choice of what to do because the choice is life or giving up. I would love it if I could inspire someone to keep trying, to never give up, being inspiring is wonderful, but I crave to take this experience and use it to help people., giving up was never an option, nor should it ever be! So who ever you are, wherever you may be, I'm telling you now that you can do it! Never give up!I believe in you!

Affirimation

I've recenrly begun a new kind of therapy, poitive affirmations. Lately I've heard from multiple sources that positive affirations can heal afflictions and can rewire the brain, when I start getting bombarded with messages like this all of the time, I tend to listen, there must be a reason I am constantly getting the same mrssage, right? My friend, Sheila began the process by giving me homework: Say these positive affirmations everyday, out loud: "Iam alive, I am whole, I am at peace." and I've added, "My arm will wotk again". I repeat this over and over to  myself on my daily condtitutionals around my backyard, weaving a kind of spell with my words and movements. What I discovered in my dabblings in Wicca during college is that a spell is simply a prayer with concrete motions added, to focus your energy and will towards changing your environment the way you want. So as I speak these words I makes sure I listen to them and use them to fight through any difficulties I face along the way, my will to get around the yard three times pushes these words towards changing my circumstances and I truly feel that since I started this practice that I have set something bigger than me in motion. So as Sheila said: Words can make a big difference. the right words!

The Walk.

There are moments in my life when I am breifly struck by how far I've come on my journey. Like the other day, getting into our car to go to therapy, I stopped and reflcted on how diffucult it was to bend my knee enough to swing it into the car when I first got home. And how hard and scary it seemed when my PT, Carrie on three West had me practice in the car they had set up for that purpose, now I get in and out of cars, even giant pick-up trucks, no problem.

And yesterday as I was walking around the backyard, I am now doing three laps, I was thinking about how hard, tiring and scary the walk was. I started by walking across the yard and around the circumference, it was sorter and more level ground. I had a hard time walking around the edge on my way bck to the door without holding onto the fence. Then I started challenging my self by trying a hill or two, or taking a longer route or not touching the fence for support.And now I am doing three laps in thirty minutes! And I'm walking in and out of places in the real world without my cane. I realized yesterday that I've been so focused on getting to a certain point in my recovery that I've become blind to how far I've come, so now I am working on enjoying the journey of recovery rather than only looking at the destinsination.

The Yogurt Incident

I had a little incident this morning that I think provides a good example of hoe my brain is operating these days and the kind of things I deal with on a daily basis,l so I thought I'd share:

I like to have yogurt with granola and a little honey for breakfast, so this morning I went to the fridge and got the tub of yogurt out but it was almost empty. Now I remembered opening a new tub yesterday so I thought to myself, "this can't possibly be the tub I opened yesterday, it must be in the fridge still." So I opened the frisge and looked for the other tub, but did not see it right away so I shrugged my shoulders and thought something must have happed to that other tub and I decided to go ahead and scrape what was left in the one I had started with even though I knew that tub I opened yesterday must still be somewhere. Then Matt pointed out that I should probably have looked a little harder for the new tub and sure enough there it was, in the door of the fridge, on my left side. I sighed, frustrated with myself, I should know by now that if I can't find something that I should check what is to my left. So i wound up feeling a little dumb and realizing  needed to slow down and think things through a little more so things like that wouldn't happen as often

Throwing in the towel

My Mom sent me an email a few days ago, it was basically an email telling me that she likes the blog and telling me how proud of me she is, at one point she made a statement that baffeled me:"A lot of people would have given up by now." And I immediately thought, "but why? Do these people want to miss everything? zDo they want to sit on the couch alone for the rest of their lives? " It never occured to me that I could choose to not try to get better. Today we spoke on the phone and she kind of cleared up the state ment by saying that some people choose to give up on themselves and by doing so they choose to live their lives as invalids, but I have choosen not to live that way, my daughter deserves more from me than a sick, sad, bitter and angry woman, so I'm glad this is the path I have vchoosen and I'm going to keep fighting the good fight for that little girl!

The Sun Did Come Out

Well, I guess Annie is right, the sun rose today and after a good night's sleep and an emergency teary-eyed phone call to my friend last night, I feel a little less in a funk than I did. This morning I decided that no matter what happens with my therapy , my life must go on. I will keep doing my exercisesevery day and I will continue doing my three laps around the back yard until I have a better place to walk because I don't want to give up, I want to be a part of life while I still have air in my lungs. I don't want to miss out on my life because one of my arms doesn't work so well and just because I don't have professional therapists helping me, that's not going to stop me from trying to be the best me I can be