Yesterday I set a goal for myself to accomplish today, it was a goal, I've been considering tackling, but haven't tried out of fear and uncertainty. Yesterday, something struck me, it was time to give it a shot.
So today, I walked into my bathroom, turned the shower on and took the shower chair out of the tub, I plced it firmly next to the tub on the floor, made sure the water was the right temperature, took a deeo breath and attempted the task I've been told is one of the most dangerous things a person in my position can attempt. I sat on the side of the tub, swung my legs over the side and planted my feet firmly on the rubber bath mat and in two seconds, there I was, standing up in the shower for the first time since the morning of November 2,2011. I cheered myself on for getting that far without a single slip, the thing I was most terrified of, I kept the shower chair next to the tub, do I could touch the back of it occasionally for balance, you see, since the stroke, my balance has been severely compromised, so leaning my head back to rinse shampoo out of my hair with my eyes closed causes the world to spin around me as if I had a few too many whiskey on the rocks, this is a scary event when standing on a brace-less, weak left leg in a slippery environment, so having the chair there to steady myself with helped build my confidence as I moved through the process of taking the most normal shower I've had in more than a year.
By the time I was finishing up, I was getting more comfortable in my new environment, I was moving around in there without holding onto stuff and I never slipped, not once. In the end, it was the most satisfying shower I've had in a very long time! A return to normal, which I intend to make this process. I felt so good by the end that I stepped out of the shower like a normal person instead of reversing the swivel move I used to get in.
Now I can see trying new things, that terrify me, is a good thing. I feel like I accomplished something huge today, jumped a giant hurdle and moved closer to recovery.