In the midst of try to coax Larry out of retirement, I find the biggest battle I'm fighting lately is that os self-discovery and acceptance.
I work everyday to hold my head high, to not be ashamed of my differences, to not cling to the person I was, the person I can no longer remember, because I know, someday I will find the same level of self-knoeledge and acceptance that I had pre-stroke. In fact, I believe, I have an unusual level of self-awareness, for a stroke survivor, I have been told by some of my therapists that it is unusual for many survivors to be as aware of their deficits as I am, I know I forget things frequently, causing me to appear absent-minded, something I NEVER would have been categorized as, so I always double-check before I wrap up something I'm working on, ensuring, I haven't forgotten to picj up some trash or missed some important detail, this is thanks to my super- Speech Therapist, Annie, one of the first pieces of advice she gave me, when we were adressing my lack of attention to detail was to always assume I'm missing something. I know, it sounds awful, but it REALLY helps. Whenever I'm finishing up a task, like showering, for example, I always ask myself, "O.k., what didn't I do?"And sure enough, I'll realize I never rinsed the conditioner out of my hair!
So, the last few days I've been trying to focus on all of the good qualities about myself that are surfacing out of all of this, in the hopes that I will pay attention and finally realize that Liz 2.0 isn't the poor man's Liz after all. It's working, I think, but I 've been feeling way more comfortable in my sink lately.