Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Dark Night

Man years ago, I went to breakfast at a Denny's in Connecticut after my apartment warming party and sat with a girl who would eventually be one of my closest friends there, we sat for hours, smoking cigarettes,drinking coffee and talking, is there anything else to do at a Denny's?

She was a religious girl so our conversation turned to an intense discusion about the crisis of faith I experienced at 15 when my grandmother passed away.

After decades of devoted service to the church and a deep faith in God and Jesus, losing my grandmother, my soul mate, was too much, so, I basically told God to fuck off, stopped going to chuch and started practicing Wicca, with a hint of Norse practice tossed in for good measure.

My new friend and I talked about the dark night of the soul that day, I had never heard of this phenomenom, so when she told me about the poem, it made perfect sense yes I had gone through a dark night, and reached a higher concsiouness as a result a more sure and secure sense of faith be cause of it.

As the "apocyalypse" fast approaches, there is a lot of talk about wat it means, for a long time, I have thought it portents a large social shift, but I am finding myself in the midst of a dark night again. Lately I've ben experiencing some pretty negative emotions and lots od delf-doubt and a general discomfort with myself, I feel uncomfortable in my skin and I'm not sure how to act. I want to resuurrect this Old Liz person my husband seems to miss so much, because we're not so crazy about Liz 2.0. So, this past week has been tough, I've been plunged into a dark place of awkwardness andin security, but all I want is to present a strong face to my child, I want her to have a strong example of womanhood, and that's what she's going to get, damnit. So, am I in the midst of a dark night? I was reading some new age websites on the subject and apparently travelling through a dark night can result in a higher level od cocsiousness, so, wil that be MY apocyalypse? is the apocalypse somply a shift in consciouness? Or is the social order going to change? I dunno, but I'm excited to come out on the other side od this tunnel of sad I'm in and see where it lands me.

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