Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The One With No Regrets

From time to to time, Matt and I  discuss what would have happened had I not gotten pregnant when I did.Now, let me be clear, I got pregnant very much on purpose, my clock's alarm was going off loudly and forcibly, unbeknownst to my husband  was using an online natural family planningwebsite and tracking my ebbs and flows, so, the night we concived Charlotte was planned,  I'm sure of what day it was because I had to do it that night.

Both Matt and I agree, we love Charlotte, at whatever her arrival may have cost us. I am so happy she is here, without her, I would have given up, long ago, I would have stayed in bed all day long in my first few days at home after I left rehab, seeing her is what motivated me to drag my depressed, scared ass out of bed.
I have no choice other than to suceed because of her, I want to be a good example for her, of how to behave when adversity rears it's ugly head; Do you give up? No. Do you rise to thr occasion and let it make you a better person? Hell yes.
So, what would I do differently? I would have asked for a c-section and refused the pitocin, if I knew would happen. ButI Wouldn't change a thing. Yes. things are kind of a pain in the ass now and it's harder to do things like change diapers, put my hair up and crochet, but I am slowly evolving into a person I never thought I could be. My life is perfect the way it is. I am perfect the way I am, because I'm here and doing my best everyday, which is something Old Liz couldn't claim, so I think I'm ahead of the gamre.

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