ALetter for the future

Dear Charlotte,

                If you are reading this then you have stumbled across this blog on your own and I am happy you have found it, or I have directed you to it, to answer some questions you may have about the circumstances surrounding your birth. It is important to me that you know what I experienced during the first months of your life. It is also important that you know that even though I was unable tobreastfeed you for as long as Iwould have liked and cannot remember the moment of your birth or can't remember the first time I saw youIstill feel remarkably connected to you, every time I look into your blueberry blue eyes I can see the kind, bright, compassionate person I believe you are and I'm filled with a love more intense than I've ever felt before. Your presence here has made the last four months worthwhile. You are the reason I get out of bed every morning and fight the good fight and try my best to beat down my impulse to focus on the negative. My greatest hope is that someday you will be able to say to someone, "You know, my mom Enjoyed her life regardless of the shitty hand she was dealt. I hope Ican make you proud to be my daughter, I know I am proud to be your mom.

Love,
Mom