before I begin this let me say about a million people have told me not feel guilty about this subject, because the outcome couldn't have been helped but, I still feel guilty and probably always will. As I prepared for the arrival of my daughter, I was totallly gung-ho about breast feeding, I read two books on thsubject and had all of theggizmos agadgets that a working and pumping mom might needI was planning on breast feedinfor a year +.
But hen life happened. after Charlotte was born Ihad to gostraight into brain surgerysoI didn't get to feed her right away, luckilythe hospial I was in had awonderful milk bank, so she got her colostrum once surgery was over Icouldn't feed her because of how many drugs were inmy system my earliest memories are of feeding her and pumping so she would have milk for the night, so she's had plenty of my milkOnceIwas moved to rehab it was difficult to find time to pump and feed because my schedule was so packed with therapy Ialso had a lot of visitors and Iwasn't always comfortable with whiping it out when neededThe final nail in the coffin came with y ant-seizure medicationth that you can't use when breast feeding. And now we are doing some thing Iswore we wouldn't do: formula feeding. I feel like I've failed my little girl and that because of this she doesn't have the best tart to life she could.
IMy my milk is now gone and I am still on th anti-seizure mrdic, ineImiss feeding her and how close Ifelt to her during hose times, since that was the one thing Icould do fo her. It enabled me to be a part of evrything, but now allIdo is sit on the sidlines and watch as other people get o enjoy the theactivities sIcan't: bathing, bouncig, playingIfearIam missing the baby time and by the time Iam able to do those thingsshe will be too big