Motherhood...Interrupted

After 39 weeks of waiting The day that was supposed to be the best day of my life quickly turned into the worstI delivered my first child while having stroke via emergency c-section.As a result of the anastesia Iwas uder Idot not remember anything of her birth, aparently  Iregained consousness long enough to mumble "Hi, Baby!"to her as they lifted her over the curtain for me to see,Ido not remember that either. after that lovely moment (or what sould have been a lovely moment) they whisked me off to do an MRI to try and see what exactly was going on in my head, further prolonging the worst night of my husband's life.Iwasthen taken into anoperating room for brain surgery to stop the bleeding in my brainthbrain the bleed pushed my brain over to the left side of my head causing left side paralysis.at first Iwas unable to sit up straight or look anyone in theyes becuse I had lost my mid line".being able to be home with my daughter instead of in the hospital has been the best part ofmy recovery so far. even though I aunable to do the normal mommy thngs:burping, changing diapers, etc...jobs that Ilong to do, tit hurts me to be unable to help with these simple tasks andeveryday Ifear my daughter willl call some other woman Mommy befor me because Iam not doing what Mommy should be.good things:
-mydaughtermade it through thstroke with her heart never skippig a beat, ewe've made it through a lot torther, a bond we wilnever lose, she is a healthy baby who willgrow up in a house filled with laughter and with parents who help each other. thank goodness!
One of the few things Ido remember from the time Ispent in intensive cae isthis: at one point Iturnedmy back to the room to block ou the bliinding light and chorus of conversation that muddled my head an overwhelmed eIlrt th healing energy that was in the room wash over me and handed my spirt over to whatever omnipotent deity had spared my life. I reflected on what my body had done and what it was doingIhsd just ceated a complete complex organismwith eyes, lungs and kidneys, Ihad also carried her safely through a potentially fatal event a d Iwas feeding her withmy body.Ihave never been prouder to be awoman than Idid ithat moment now I kow what true fminism feels lke. Iwillneverdisparag my body fot meetindome mde up ideal again, I hav mor important things to worry about.


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