Sunday, June 10, 2012

Body Image

Just like most women I've been struggling with my body image since I passed through the hellish gates of puberty and entered the gloomy world of adolescence. For years I disparaged my body for not being thin enough, my stomach for no being flar enough, you know the drill..Then I got pregnant, I had no idea how soon my body would start changing or how it would, I went up an entire cup size within weeks of learning I was baking my little Charlotte muffin, I started "showing" soon after that, but I was only showing the extra weight I was putting on as a result of having to constantly eat to fend off nausea, and Charlotte demanded I eat cookies round the clock, and  I reluctantly(not really) gave in to her requests for cookies, I was terrified of gaining too much weight, but I tried to not worry too much about it, after all I was supporting new life and I'd be able to lose the weight once she was born.Pregnancy was an interesting time for me, I am not one of those women who love it, I hated being physically limited, but once that little girl started squirming around I loved it, feeling her and knowing that my body was doing this amazng thing was the most empowering thing I've ever experienced. Every week I'd get an email updating me on what was occuring in my womb, it amazed me that my body just knew that it was time to start making fingernails all on it's own, I think this was the first time I ever felt any respect for my body, then I went into labor and had a stroke that paralyzed one side of my body, so much for all of the exercise I was going to do once the baby was born...The firdt couple months after the birth I as bedridden and stuck eating incredibly unhealthy hospital food, so I put on a littlt weight.Now I'm back trying to accept my body for what it is post stroke and post baby. Theother day as I got ou of the shower I caught a glimpse of my silouette in the foggy mirror and I stopped for a second, I was looking at a woman with a perfect hour glass figure, a woman whose body survived a tramatic event and whose body carried her unborn baby through safely, this woman's body is getting stronger everyday and gets her through her punising therapy sessions, now I am proud of my body, it's just fine thanks too bad it took a stroke and a baby to love my body.

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