Afew thing happened yesterday that have improved my mood a bit.
First and most importantly was Charlotte's first big milestone: crawling! Matt and I have to take her to therapy with us, she is always the most popular person there, now that she's learning to move her body around she refuses to sit still so Matt usually sets her on the ground or on whichever mat table I'm working on. Yesterday as my OT Susan was streching my hand and wrist out, Matt put Charlotte down in the OT room she started looking like she was ready to take off so one of the other OTs put a ball down in front of her and she crawled to it! It was such a great moment, I instantly started crying, when Matt asked me why I was crying I told him it was because I was so happy to be here to switness that event and said it was really cool to watch herevolve as she learns different skills and his response was, "that's what it's been like watching you." That made my day, because Matt is not some one who hands out compliments for free. Fior the rest of the day Matt was out in the garage with his brother working on his car, so it was ju Charlotte and I in the house together. I haven't spent much time in Chsrlotte's nursery. Th boys painted it, a chore we didn't feel was a good thing for me because of my hypertendsion, I actually didn't do much nesting at all, other than washing all of her clothes and attempting to organize them in her dresser, I say attempting because I am not a skilled organizer, at all. Modt of the fancy frills and details in Charlottes nursery were added while I was in rehab and since I was done breast feeding by the time I got home from rehab, I just haven' spent any time in there. but yesterday, I spent most of the day in her room with her, changing her diapers, singing to her reading her books feeling like a real mom, a good mom.As I was changing her, I had a revelation. How am I supposed to raise an intelligent, confident and independent young woman if I'm not acting like one myself? S I should cut out the Debbir Downer bullshit before she picks up on it, just because I'm a little diffrent from other moms that doesn't have tp be a bad thing, as far as she's concerned I'm her momand this is just who I am and that's ok, I shouldn't be so scared of it as a good friend of mine always says, every family is different. The final thing that perked me up was a new TV show I discovered on the Sundance channel called Push Girls. This is a reality show about for women who are paralegic, I know, that's not my issue, but still...the women on this show are so confident and accepting of who they are, they don' appologize for themselves they just are who they are, with wheelchairs and watching them go about their daily activities in the way they have to, hrlped me see just because I have to do things a bit differently now, that's not a bad thing, in fact this morning as I was showering and getting my breakfast ready I was noticing how much easier everything is becoming, it's as big of a pain to take a shoewer and getting in and out of the tub is no big deal anymore as opposed to the challenge it used to be